John came with me to my Buddhist study meeting last night and during the last half of the meeting, we had an open discussion. I was able to share a little bit of my experience from the past few years and I was very glad that I did. I wasn’t quite sure what to say or how to explain what my experience has been like, but I mentioned briefly about how the voices that I hear used to threaten me when I chanted. I also told about how they threatened my husband and my dad, as well as other family members, but that now the voices don’t threaten me anymore. I had stopped chanting for about a month and after my mom left, I decided that I would start chanting again. This was in June 2011 and I’ve been chanting regularly ever since.
This morning I really chanted for our happy marriage and better communication between us. I also chanted to challenge my weaknesses and to live each day with joy and appreciation. Buddhism is very encouraging, so every time I read an article, chant, or attend a meeting, I leave feeling better than I did before. I really want to encourage other people, especially with my memoir. I am writing my memoir to share my experience, and to inspire and encourage other people – especially women. At this time in our society, we really need to focus on inner change, especially me. I have a tendency to figure out everything that’s wrong with the disembodied voices that I hear in my head. Nothing that they’ve said has ever made sense, but sometimes I still get angry about what has happened in the past. If I focus on myself, and challenging my own weaknesses and negativity, then I am less worried about the voices and what other people say. This year, I’m looking forward to finishing my memoir.