When I first started chanting deeply about my problem with the insane people in my environment, I believed I had done something wrong. I believed there was something wrong with me, some negative part of me I needed to change so they would go away. Now I know this belief was very wrong. The truth is the exact opposite. I had never done anything wrong, I was not to blame and I am not a bad person. After many hours of chanting and prayer, I now know the one aspect of my life I needed to change was my fear of talking to other people and my lack of self-confidence. I needed the courage to assert myself, speak up for myself and to have complete confidence in my own choices. I’ve always had the tendency to look to others for reassurance and approval. Now, I realize I need to rely on myself.
Women especially suffer from a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Society does not raise girls with the confidence to believe in themselves. For me, the constant mocking, persecution and harassment I experienced over the past thirteen plus years drove out the confidence and self-reliance I once possessed. Fortunately, I have a great support system and my Buddhist practice. My chanting, my husband, and my family have helped me realize what I really need to work on in my life – becoming a woman of unlimited self-esteem.