I wrote another page in my book yesterday. I’m following the table of contents I wrote up for my book proposal, but it’s going pretty slow. So far I’ve written about 8 single-spaced pages, and I figured that if I want to end up with a 200-300 page book, I’ll need about 100 single-spaced pages! I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve been researching potential agents, so that I can send out more query letters. There are a lot of agents out there, but there are also a lot of people writing. I have hope.
My voices haven’t been bothering me much. If I do hear something, I can usually ignore it, and not let it get to me. Yesterday, I was writing about what happened before I was hospitalized in May. At that time, the voices were also trying to get me to make an agreement with them. I looked at some of my entries in my journal, but they only went back to April 24th. I was looking for journal entries from February and March to help me remember what I was thinking, and how I was feeling at that time. I can’t always rely on just my memory.
I’m doing better, but sometimes I miss my family. I read an article yesterday in my Buddhist newspaper. There was an experience written by a woman who overcame cancer. She said that when she had finally battled and defeated her cancer, she understood why she had to go through such an ordeal. Her life-or-death struggle with cancer taught her that her own life was worth fighting for. We may give up on our own struggles if we don’t believe that our lives are worth fighting for. SGI President Ikeda writes “In Buddhism, the world we live in is called the ‘saha world.’ Saha means endurance. We all struggle with various problems and difficulties that press in upon us. What is crucial is whether we can endure and triumph over them. Life is a struggle for which we need an invincible spirit.”
I have my therapy appointment this Thursday, and I’m also meeting an old friend from work in the morning. We move the rest of our furniture into storage on Saturday, and then we’ll be completely moved out of our apartment!