An Invincible Spring

February 4, 2013 by Tagged with:       
Posted in: Daily Blog

Once in the midst of a seemingly endless winter, I discovered within myself an invincible  spring.

This is a great quote that I found on Facebook, and it really expresses how I feel about my experience over the past few years. I was in a truly disheartening state of mind and had little hope – a seemingly endless winter. Now, I am making every effort to bring out of my life an invincible spring. I can’t always rely on other people – my husband, my parents, my brothers – although they have done so much for me. I need to develop myself and retake my life back from the voices. So much of my life – my mind, my thoughts, my energy, my focus and my concentration – went toward the voices in my head that very little was left for my own life.

I can feel the difference in something as simple as browsing in a bookstore. I am no longer living under a dark cloud or shadow, attempting to hide it from everyone else around me. I have a little more courage to talk to strangers, although this is something that I am constantly working on. If I do hear voices, I disregard whatever I hear, no exceptions. I feel as if I have returned to the land of the living. After everything that’s happened to me, after everything that I’ve heard over the past few years, it seems that now I can move on with my life. Before, I lived in a constant state of fear, always terrified of what might happen to my family, and not being able to do anything about it. Now, I look forward to spending time with my family and strengthening my marriage.

I’ve also realized that socializing with other people is a learned behavior, and that I can improve my social skills by working on them daily. This is one of my biggest challenges, aside from ignoring the voices in my head. I try to smile more, and be more friendly toward other people. I think back to the Kaiser classes I’ve attended and remember some of the things I learned. I went to a Social Anxiety class for a few sessions, and also an Assertiveness class. Both were very helpful. I’m trying to focus more on developing my own life, so that I can live more fully and start to put the past behind me.

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