I saw a great picture/quote posted on Facebook yesterday that really encouraged me. The quotes reads:
Your beautiful. Your loved. Your needed. You’re alive for a reason. You’re stronger than you think. You’re gonna get through this. I’m glad you’re alive. And don’t ever give up!
How encouraging! After reading this, I thought to myself, “All this is true!” I’m definitely alive for a reason. It is a fact that all of the people (namely Sam M, although I prefer to call him sh@#$head) trying to get back at me for whatever it was that I didn’t do, haven’t succeeded. Although this nightmare continues to drag on and on and on, I will get through this somehow. I have no choice.
My particular feeling is that the continued lack of resolution to this problem (after all, there are still a few people left that continue to follow me wherever I go on a daily basis), speaks more to the incompetence, lack of concern, and pervasive corruption on the part of the authorities than anything else. By authorities I am referring to every single level of government and every single federal government agency that could have possibly been involved. If we start locally, we have the city of Sunnyvale Police Department (that does nothing), at the county level (this would be Santa Clara County), I would think that someone would be able to make a phone call, if only to get these people off the streets and into the county jail, yet nothing is done. Is it really that difficult?
Numerous lawsuits were filed by people as well as businesses, due to their continuous stalking, death threats and harassment. Yet their behavior continues. What about the state of California? The federal government agencies involved? The CIA, FBI, Department of Justice, Homeland Security, NSA – and the list goes on. Is the U.S. government really that incompetent? Or is it merely a matter of corruption at the highest levels of our government. I’m thinking it’s the latter.
What about all the people who seem so surprised to discover that I’m actually aware of the situation and always have been since 2002, when Sam Meth-head whatever-his-name-is tracked me down to my roommate’s house in Oxnard? Or the fact that not one single person has ever attempted to contact me in any way regarding this matter? Does that seem strange? At any rate, the situation exists as it is, for better or for worse, and there isn’t much I can do about it except chant.
This post ended up being more of a rant, but some days are more discouraging than others. I also found a very useful article titled 20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You. It’s very descriptive and helpful for people who have to deal with toxic behavior. This is the type of behavior exhibited by the people who stalk and harass me constantly as well as by those who have targeted me or used me as a scapegoat over the years. Although my situation is much more complicated than merely being in a toxic relationship (as I am not), I have experiences much like those described by this article – experiences resulting from their constant harassment, threats, stalking and persecution. For example:
In the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath, your differing opinions, legitimate emotions and lived experiences get translated into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.
What happened to me was that my circumstances were labeled as a schizophrenia diagnosis, and as such my opinions, emotions, perspective and experiences were seen as a mental illness, rather than as reality. Fortunately, over the past few years, the reality has come to light, and my own experiences are being validated as we continue to struggle with something that affects us all.
Oh, by the way, the majority of the perpetrators in this nightmare are all WHITE MEN.
One of the questions posed by the Kickstarter campaign for the new book Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls was: Why a book for girls? Here is Elena Favilli and Francesca Cavallo’s response:
Because we are girls. Our entrepreneurial journey made us understand how important it is for girls to grow up surrounded by female role models. It helps them to be more confident and set bigger goals. We realized that 95% of the books and TV shows we grew up with, lacked girls in prominent positions. We did some research and discovered that this didn’t change much over the past 20 years, so we decided to do something about it.
When I look back to the role models I had, I realize that I did not have many female role models either. I had my mom, who has a Master’s Degree, my dad and two older brothers. I read a lot of books, some with strong female leads and some without. I did not actively seek out books with female characters, I mostly read what interested me, and what I found in my parent’s bookshelves. I enjoyed Winnie the Pooh when I was younger, Shel Silverstein’s poetry, Judy Blume, Madeleine L’Engle’s Wrinkle in Time series, Gone With the Wind, and many other books written by both male and female authors. In elementary school, I watched Little House on the Prairie, a television series based on the experiences of Laura Ingalls Wilder, a pioneer woman who wrote a series of historical fiction books for children based on her childhood growing up in a pioneer family.
By the time I was 12, my favorite non-literary hero (rather than role model) was Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones’ adventures in Raiders of the Lost Ark looked more exciting than anything else in the world, and although I became a big Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones fan, I never pursued the field of archeology. By the time I finished high school, the two biggest influences in my life were my parents (who ensured I went to college), and my Buddhist organization (SGI-USA) whose leaders and guidance helped me to choose a career path that has guided me until this day.
In my late teens I joined the SGI-USA and started participating in their activities for young women. I was at a small group activity with just a few other young women and we were asked by our young women’s leader to make goals for ourselves. We had to write them down and keep them. She posed this question to us, “What do you see yourself doing ten years from now.” She gave us some time to think about our response. We were sitting on the carpeted floor of the Buddhist Community Center in San Jose. I flipped through a copy of my Living Buddhism and found one of SGI President Ikeda’s Peace Proposals where he had mentioned environmental conservation and supporting the United Nations. I wrote this down for my ten-year career goal: work for the United Nations Environment Program.
My one goal that I had written down at a Buddhist activity when I was 19 or 20 sustained me through four years of college at UC Santa Cruz, two years of volunteer work with the Peace Corps in the Dominican Republic, and another two years of graduate school at Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts. Although I veered off onto a different path for a variety of reasons, I feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity to set those goals for myself at such an early age, and I hope that we can continue to provide girls and young women from all backgrounds with the resources and encouragement they need to succeed in life and be happy.
The past few months have been difficult and tiring. I went to the doctor because I thought there was something stuck in my right eye, but it turned out to be simply a case of “dry eyes,” probably brought on by too much caffeine, stress and aging – nothing serious. I’ve been focusing on living in the present in order to persevere to the end of this ordeal. “Living in the present,” “being in the moment,” and also the concept of “mindfulness” all relate to this idea of finding happiness right where we are. How difficult!
Specifically, I’ve found incredible encouragement in SGI President Ikeda’s writings from the Living Buddhism March 2016 issue.
We all think that we have plenty of time left in our lives. But none of us knows when death may overtake us. We may die in the next instant. That is the true reality of life…Today will never come again, so each day must be treasured, lived mindfully, with complete commitment. The past no longer exists. The future isn’t here yet. All that exists is this present moment, and in a flash, the present becomes the past. Upon reflection, life is nothing more than the accumulation of each present moment.
– “Making the Most of Each Day” Living Buddhism March 1, 2016 p. 42
It is hard to live this way. It’s easy to get distracted from the present moment. Our minds wander off toward a million other ideas: worries, to-do lists, anxieties, hopes, dreams, regrets, plans for the future, and memories, both good and bad. My mind especially has this tendency, but I’ve found that if I really concentrate on staying involved and present where I am and who I am with, I am much happier. It’s a little easier for me to communicate, which is always a challenge. And I worry less about all the crazy people traipsing after me everywhere I go.
In Nichiren Buddhism there is a concept called “three thousand realms in a single moment of life” (Japanese ichinen sanzen) which teaches that the past, present and future are not separate from one another, but continuous and connected through the law of cause and effect. The simultaneity of cause and effect means that eternity is encapsulated in the present moment.
With this perspective, living in the moment really does have profound meaning. It allows us to make the most of the time we have here on Earth as well as change our lives for the better – to create a better future than the past.
Another day, another week, another month, another YEAR gone by since the insane, meth-head, lunatic, Sam McKellar tracked me down to Oxnard, California with his “friend,” my former boss, Preston Scott. At least I think his name is Sam McKellar. I don’t know for sure because I’ve never actually met him. I have however, been the target of his (and his cohorts) relentless persecution. And I’ve never committed a single crime.
I believe this corruption involved reaches all the way to the top. With the exception of Obama. At any rate, seeing how this continues to drag on with no end in site, I’ve decided to take a trip to the Sunnyvale City Hall next week, in an attempt to see what exactly is going (since no one is inclined to tell me). I’m hoping I don’t get arrested!
That’s what happened the last trip I made to the Sunnyvale Police Department in (Feb 2014 or else 2013) to file a police report regarding all the insane lunatics stalking me everywhere I go. Instead of providing me any type of assistance with this issue, I was handcuffed, strapped into restraints and involuntarily hospitalized for one week at a mental health hospital in Fremont, California. Such injustice.
I have written a 300 page memoir that few people have read, numerous blog posts, including a complaint I filed with the international criminal court regarding Preston Scott. And yet, I’m still in doubt as to whether he has been successfully dealt with.
The charges are mind-numbing and the consequences would have been potentially catastrophic (more so than they already have been) if these people, “terrorists” actually had not been stopped when they were. Preston Scott has been involved with charges considered “international terrorism,” including most-likely theft, sale, and manufacturing of some type of nuclear weapon (nuclear-tipped missiles I think). I have no idea what they had in mind all these years.
The problem is, many of them are still on the streets. This is what I still don’t understand.
They are still outside our house (never too far away) shrieking, screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs – wreaking as much havoc as possible. These was even an incident this morning at Sunnyvale Middle School and the police had to be called to respond.
Whoever is working on this, whatever lawyers, judges, etc…who happened to be assigned with this task – this is not some ordinary job. You don’t get to wake up in the morning and work from 9-5 (or whatever typical 8 hour day you’re probably working), and go home at the end of the day and think that somehow this is all going to be ok. It’s not. You’re not an accountant doing someone’s taxes.
These are extraordinary circumstances and extraordinary times. The people involved are monsters, and the majority of the U.S. government is corrupt. If you do not have the courage to deal with this, you better get some or find someone else who does. If you’ve been paid off, you better hope you don’t find yourself indicted along with everyone else.
These indictments are not the end. They are only the beginning. The beginning of truth and of justice. I hope you will join us.