Please Do Not Buy the NOOK Version of My Memoir

Barnes & Noble has taken their NOOK version of my memoir off of their website, per my request it is no longer available for purchase. Thank you.


March 12, 2015


Hello! I recently discovered that Barnes & Noble has made a NOOK version of my memoir, Never Give Up, available on The NOOK ebook is an UNAUTHORIZED electronic version of my memoir. Barnes & Noble does NOT have my permission to sell my memoir as a NOOK ebook. I don’t have a contract with Barnes & Noble, & therefore receive no royalties from their NOOK sales of my memoir. This constitutes copyright infringement on the part of Barnes & Noble. Please do not buy the NOOK version of my memoir until this matter has been resolved. The Kindle version of Never Give Up is available on Amazon. Thank you!


March 9, 2015

Victory Is In Sight!

I started my first million daimoku campaign (chanting/prayer campaign) on June 1st, 2010.

I wrote down three goals in my small prayer booklet:

  • courage to challenge my problems
  • my own happiness & health
  • share Buddhism with others & to talk to one person each day about Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism

This was the first time I started to chant and pray specifically about the problem I faced in my life that involved the people who harassed and stalked me constantly – the insane people whose voices I constantly heard in my head. My prayer booklet was filled with encouraging quotes that reassured me along the way, and I finished this daimoku campaign on December 1st, 2011, approximately one and a half years later. On the last page of my daimoku tracking booklet I wrote, “Changed my life.” 

While I had changed my life after completing my first million daimoku campaign, I had not even approached the amount of chanting, prayer, effort, self-reflection, internal change, and courage I would need to get to where I am today. The very next day, December 2nd, 2011, I started my second million daimoku campaign towards my goal of resolving the situation of the people in my life who were a constant threat and a constant danger.


I wrote down more goals in my new prayer booklet:

  • no more voices
  • our happy marriage
  • our families’ good health & happiness
  • world peace
  • change my financial karma & earn a steady income

I finished my second prayer campaign on April 11th, 2013 and started my third prayer campaign with a new set of goals, the most important of which was to never give up.


  • never give up
  • find the best publisher for my memoir
  • have my memoir published in Japanese for SGI President Ikeda
  • write another memoir about my experience as a Peace Corps volunteer in the Dominican Republic
  • continue writing children’s stories
  • build a successful career as an author
  • share my experience and promote my memoir, Never Give Up: Buddhism, Family & Schizophrenia to the widest possible audience

I finished this daimoku campaign on April 24th, 2014. I self-published my memoir during the summer of 2014, did my best to self-promote the memoir, and began work on a children’s press called SundanceKid Press. On April 25th, 2014 I started my fourth million daimoku campaign with a few new goals, and a few continuing goals that still had not been resolved.

  • encourage others
  • a successful writing career & a successful memoir
  • absolute victory over the people responsible for perpetrating the incredible injustices I’ve experienced over the past 13 years
  • the happiest marriage
  • justice for myself, for my husband and family, and for everyone who experienced the injustices of this unbelievable nightmare


Currently, I have about one week to go to finish my fourth million daimoku campaign, depending on how many hours I chant each day. I feel that after all these years, I am finally approaching victory. I am determined to achieve every one of my goals, and I have absolute conviction that I will definitely do so. I believe that when I finish this campaign, this nightmare will be over. Buddhism is about victory or defeat, and I will achieve victory!

Changing Karma – A Nichiren Buddhist Perspective

I’m still not sure what is happening with the people who are following me around everywhere I go. I’m hoping they don’t join me on my next trip to visit my family in Colorado! I’ve set a new goal to chant 3 hours each day until they are gone, although I don’t always reach this goal. Yesterday I only chanted for 2 1/2 hours instead of 3, but today I think I will reach my goal. I started my own chanting (daimoku) campaign for this nightmare to end during the summer of 2010, so it’s been almost 5 years! I still struggle with a lot of negativity, and it isn’t always easy to stay positive. I find myself constantly questioning other people’s behavior. Why did he do that? Why did she say this? Why didn’t this person respond to my email? Why didn’t that person return my phone call? Why don’t these people leave me alone? Why would anyone ever do what these people have done? Why won’t anyone talk to me about it? There are many unanswered questions. I’ve been chanting for answers as well as for a resolution to this problem, yet it seems nothing is clear or easily understood.

In Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, we do not blame our circumstances on others. We take responsibility and change ourselves first. This is a constant struggle for me. The behavior of the insane people following me around has little, if anything to do with me personally. It certainly isn’t due to anything I ever said or did (with the possible exception of a former employer I worked for in Washington, DC for approximately 2-3 months in 2000). From a Buddhist perspective, my circumstances are due to my karma – the effects of my thoughts, words and actions (although probably not in this lifetime).

A quote from SGI President Ikeda reads:

You must never slacken in your efforts to build new lives for yourselves. Creativeness means pushing open the heavy door to life. This is not an easy struggle. Indeed, it may be the hardest task in the world. For opening the door to your own life is more difficult than opening the doors to the mysteries of the universe.

karma, changing karma, never give up, buddhism, nichiren daishonin's buddhism

This is very true. It is very difficult to look for the answers, the strength, and the courage within. Every day I feel I am making the effort to draw forth more strength and courage to deal with these challenges. I once heard an SGI leader state that “changing our karma” (changing our lives) is similar to drawing forth water from a deep well. We just have to keep lowering the bucket down and pulling the water back up, time and time again, until we reach a solution. In other words, we must never give up.

SundanceKid Sales!

I just created a new sales website for both SundanceKid Online and SundanceKid Press. Please visit SundanceKid Sales to purchase my memoir “Never Give Up” directly from the publisher – me!


Are Intelligent and Powerful Women a Threat?

2,500 years ago in India, the Buddha taught that women, in addition to men, had the capacity for enlightenment. Over 700 years ago in 13th century Japan, Nichiren Daishonin taught that both men and women are equally deserving of respect. Today in the U.S., many feminists strive to create a society where women are treated as equals alongside men. My question is this: Are intelligent and powerful women perceived as a threat?

I believe the answer to this question is yes. Perhaps not in all situations, nor by all people (men specifically), but in many cases, a well-educated, intelligent woman can pose a threat to the status quo (i.e. the patriarchy). In my opinion, the majority of white males in our society (both in politics and in civil society) assume that women not only listen to what they say, but also believe what they say. White men also tend to assume that they are always correct in their thinking.

If a woman has a fact to share, an opinion to make, an idea to suggest, or anything to say, she is often disregarded, belittled, or ignored. Obviously, this does not happen to all women all of the time. However, the fact that women’s voices are routinely silenced (including my own), is a very real concern. It has been a very real concern for me over the past thirteen years, as I was repeatedly ignored by everyone I approached regarding the issue involving the people stalking, harassing and threatening me. I’ve often felt as if I was the threat (hence the need to silence me), rather than the people who were actually committing the crimes.

Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani girl who was shot by the Taliban for attending school and promoting girls’ education, is an extreme example of a woman who was perceived as a threat by the patriarchy (the Taliban). I’m excited to be more active in the area of women’s rights and I’d like to help other women make their voices heard.