My Memoir, “Never Give Up,” Available on Amazon!

I am very, very happy I’ve been able to self-publish my memoir on Amazon. It is now available for purchase on the Amazon website. You can find it searching either by my name, or the title, “Never Give Up: Buddhism, Family & Schizophrenia.” I’ve also created an author page for myself on Amazon that includes my memoir, my Kindle ebook, “The Voices Never Stopped,” my Twitter profile and the RSS feed for this blog. If you do read my memoir (and I hope everyone does!), please write a review on Amazon!

In the meantime, I’ve started my own marketing campaign. My marketing campaign currently includes distributing and mailing 4×6 prints I had made using my book cover. I’ve mailed a few as postcards, mostly to friends and family, and I’ve also handed out a few prints to the places I frequent and shop at during the week. I am well aware of the fact that the businesses where I shop most frequently, along with their customers have been affected by the insane, crazy, mafia (and other) people following me around.

memoir, buddhism, happiness, self publishing

Although these people intentionally hide from me, they are not invisible, and the fact that they do quite a bit of screaming and yelling makes them all but impossible to ignore.

I am also aware that the FBI (or some other government agency) is making every possible effort to suppress the fact that this is even happening by telling and/or asking people not to discuss this issue with me, or anyone else. Otherwise, I’m sure there would have been numerous news reports about the people following me around everywhere I go, the screaming and yelling, and the fact that no one seems to be able to do anything about the problem. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it is still profoundly disturbing.

My goal is to inform as many people as possible about my memoir. My memoir is my experience with the mafia and the crazy people who have been harassing me all these years. I hope everyone knows about it and that it will be translated into as many different languages as possible. The fact that there are so many people out there trying so hard to suppress this nightmare just makes me want to tell as many people as possible. I’ve always believed in a transparent government, and besides, knowledge is power.

Memoir Now Available for Purchase!

My memoir, “Never Give Up: Buddhism, Family & Schizophrenia,” is now available for purchase on Create Space. Please click here if you would like to order it directly from their website. My memoir will be available for purchase from Amazon in 3-5 business days, so sometime next week. I’m really happy I was able to finish it this week while visiting my parents in Colorado. It’s quite an accomplishment for me, and I’m so glad it’s finally finished and out there.


I’ve had a good week here and I was able to spend some time with my mom and dad. We celebrated my dad’s birthday too, and that was fun. We celebrated mainly by eating delicious dinners. My brother spent Sunday and Monday here, so the first night we had Copper River salmon for dinner. The next night, we had an oven-baked roast with mashed potatoes, and our last night of scrumptious dining I grilled halibut and a shrimp skewer. I love seafood and could eat it every day of the week, but my dad said after the halibut dinner he didn’t want to eat any more seafood this week! I think he prefers beef.

The crazy people and their voices are still here, but I’m waiting rather impatiently for their departure. I have no idea what will happen to them. It’s been a long 12 years.


Never Give Up

I’ve been working on copying and pasting my manuscript text into the formatted document provided by Create Space. I finished most of it this week, and have started making minor edits and fixing the endnotes. I believe I will be able to finalize my manuscript next week after which I will submit it to Create Space and it will be available for purchase on Amazon. I also plan to make an electronic version available as well. I finished writing the last chapter and added the last few sentences to the Epilogue on Tuesday. The last chapter, Chapter Twelve is titled, “Never Give Up.” Often over the past few months, I thought of incidences here and there, of someone I saw, or something someone said to me, and I reminded myself about how I would be sure to include it in my memoir. Many of these incidences, particularly the most recents ones, I did not include. After I had added one last sentence to the Epilogue and created Chapter Twelve, the “Never Give Up” chapter, I realized that I didn’t have anything else to say. As they say, “the rest is history.”

hope, encourage, inspire, memoir

I also need to write the Acknowledgements page and the Dedication page. I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for. I haven’t started thinking about these two sections yet because I feel that I have many people to acknowledge who have been a part of my life over the past twelve years. My husband, who has always stood by me as a source of constant love and support. My parents and my brothers, who have always been there for me and have done everything in their power to help. My husband’s family who cared for me as one of their own. My Buddhist friends and all my friends who aren’t Buddhist, have all been such an important part of my life, as both a source of support and companionship. I’ve also had many doctors, nurses, and therapists who have cared for me in various hospitals and clinics along the way. As much as I disliked being hospitalized, I always received the best care from doctors and nurses who were kind and nurturing. I need to think about the Dedication page as well. These pages will be very meaningful to me, and I want to write them well. Now, it is my turn to reach out to others to offer encouragement and support in any way I can.

Memoir Will Be Published with Amazon’s Create Space!

“Don’t be dependent on anyone – this is my sentiment. We each have to strengthen and develop ourselves through our own efforts. We must never surrender to any foe or difficulty. We must be fearless. This is the true spirit of self-reliance.” 

– SGI President Daisaku Ikeda

After reading this quote yesterday, I realized that I don’t want to wait any longer to publish my memoir. It seems as if I’ve been waiting a long time – too long – for many things. I’ve been waiting for the mafia voices and everyone else who has been stalking and harassing me to go away and leave me alone forever. I’ve been waiting for a publishing offer from an editor or agent. I’ve been waiting for this entire ordeal to be over. I don’t have the patience to wait any longer. I believe I am only wasting my time.

never give up buddhism family and schizophrenia


Instead, I have decided to self-publish my memoir using Amazon’s Create Space self-publishing program. It’s free, and all I need to do is format my manuscript according to their specifications. I even found a beautiful cover already designed by Create Space! Perfect. In addition to the quote above, I was very inspired by Ashley Smith’s book, What’s On My Mind. I ordered her book and started reading it a few days ago. I discovered Ashley’s blog, Overcoming Schizophrenia, a few years ago when I was still connecting online with other women and organizations dealing with schizophrenia. I’ve discontinued this, but I am still very inspired by Ashley Smith and her new book. Ashley self-published her book using Create Space and it looks great, and is incredibly encouraging for anyone managing mental health challenges.

I hope to continue working on my manuscript over the next week or two, after which it will be available for sale on Amazon as a paperback. I will also include a link to purchase my memoir on this website.

Thanks for reading!


Returning A Smile

Sometimes it’s easy to become discouraged. Earlier today I stopped at the post office to mail a Mother’s Day gift to my mom in Colorado. Then I took Savannah bone shopping at PetSmart. I was standing near the fish tanks looking at the kinds of ‘community aquarium’ fish I used to keep in my 10-gallon aquarium when I was younger. Mainly I had tetras, guppies, and a few small catfish to clean the rocks on the bottom of the tank. PetSmart also had some cool looking little glass shrimp that seemed like a unique addition to any beginning aquarium.

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Savannah pulled away from me and was facing toward the birds and small animal habitats, when I noticed a small, plump, wavy haired, white woman looking at Savannah. I overheard another customer’s comment about Obama, and suddenly I felt an incredible sorrow – almost like humiliation, as if someone was out there was mocking me and my attempt at good humor. I had a horrible dream early this morning before I woke up, but then I chanted for two hours and felt better. I waited in line at the post office, and listened to a customer argue with the postal clerk about a lost package. I felt angry – about my situation and about my life in general, until I realized that I didn’t need to walk around angry all day. I thought about Buddhism. I thought about smiling. I thought about talking to other people, and by the time I reached my postal clerk, I was able to return the smile she offered me.

When the feeling of sadness came over me at the pet store, I attributed it to the short, plump woman although I’m not entirely sure why. When she walked away, and when I left the store after buying a few items, I felt a little better. We walked for a few more minutes, but then I saw two motorcycle cops drive past me and decided it was time to go. Next time we’ll just stick to the Sunnyvale bay trails.