New Memoir Dedication

I re-read my memoir’s dedication yesterday. I self-published my memoir the summer of 2014. This is what it currently reads:

This memoir is dedicated first and foremost to my husband and my family. Of course, without my Buddhist practice and the Soka Gakkai International, I would have give up years ago. My husband’s family, my friends and neighbors, my doctors and therapists, and many others all offered their support. I hope my experience is a source of hope, encouragement and inspiration for everyone who reads it.

I revised my memoir yesterday afternoon, so that now it reads as follows:

I hope my experience is a source of hope, encouragement and inspiration for everyone who reads it. 


Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo Enables Us To Live the Most Meaningful Lives

I remember last August when my parents flew out here to deal with Warren. Warren showed up first in the house next door with a huge narcotics deal that sat there for awhile. The heroin ended up being laced with tetracycline. The heroin was from Cali and it was laced in Mexico.

Warren never said anything to me, neither did Sue although they were together. My parents never told me they flew out here in August. They never said anything to me while they were here. A few weeks later, they left. They returned a month or so later and have been in Sunnyvale ever since. They never said they were actually here in Sunnyvale, as opposed to their home in Fort Collins. The few times I have called them by phone, they always told me they were in Fort Collins. My mom has also repeatedly mailed me letters in the mail postmarked Fort Collins, Colorado although she never mentioned any of the events since last August.

wisdom, happiness, peace

Instead, what she has done over the past few months has been to yell at me from the house next door, try to order me around, tell me what to do, threaten me and continue to refuse to leave me alone and stay out of my life. She repeatedly yells at me, “I love you!” The only problem with this (and it actually was pointed out to me by someone else over there) is that her statement is meaningless and a total lie. The woman who pointed this out said,

“What she (my mom) is really saying is not “I love you,” but rather “I HATE you.”

What I needed to do was every time I heard my mom shout those words was to replace the word “love” with the word “hate.” Over the next few days and weeks, it turns out that this was what she learned “love” was growing up. Her idea of “love” (at least in my case) was concealed hate, anger, and contempt [at her lot in life] that had nothing to do with me personally, other than the fact that I was her daughter.

To illustrate, the words “I love you” can have a completely different impact depending on whether they are said from the heart or merely as an empty gesture.

“The Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace” Daisaku Ikeda p.64

The person I thought of as my mom all these years (happy, friendly, sociable, well-read), was merely another facade masking the anger and contempt lying underneath her stone-cold exterior. It turns out that the same is true for my dad, as well as Warren and Jeff. Obviously, appearances can be deceiving but this was a deception of a particularly insidious nature. When I looked back, I realized that until now I had no reason to believe my parents or either sibling would be hiding anything. No one ever said anything to me and I had no reason to be suspicious.

The same holds true for faith. There may be times when we give in to self-defeat and our determination wanes, or when things don’t go as we’d hoped and we begin to feel anxious or fearful. But the important thing is to continue chanting, no matter what. Whether our prayers are answered right away or not, we must keep chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, without harboring any doubts. Those who maintain such faith will eventually attain the supreme path and highest pinnacle of value and savor the conviction that everything unfolded in the very best and most meaningful way.

“The Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace” Daisaku Ikeda p.65

Jeff’s Jealous

It’s 7am, and the first thing I hear when I wake up in the morning is Jeff’s voice babbling from the house next door because he refuses to turn the volume down on his headset.

“Jeff’s jealous.” I hear a comment from someone else in the room with Jeff in Spc 64.

The FBI Director and others begin to immediately start arguing with him in order to convince him to leave. The problem with Jeff Myers is that he has spent at least the past 35 years lying to other people about who he is and what he did. In other words, everything I thought I knew about him as a person was a lie. He never graduated from UC Berkeley, much less attended the university. He always pretended he was a big Cal Bears fan. He never graduated from, much less attended the Harvard Kennedy School of Government. I was told (by Jeff and my parents over the years) that he had worked for KPMG in Sacramento for about ten years, moved to Washington, DC to get married to Lin, and then started working for Booze-Allen as a business management consultant.

It seems that what he actually did was leave my parents house at age 18, and convinced them to buy a house in Berkeley so he could live there with his friends/roommates. He started his own “legalized speed prescription” regime with Bayer and used this as a tool to target and blackmail [primarily white males] that were advantageous for his purposes of

1) targeting me with persecution (i.e. psychological torment)

In this case, this is what happened with Sam McKellar from 2002-2016. For his own reasons, Jeff held some sort of threat/intimidation over McKellar in order to keep him from leaving me alone (i.e. the “monitoring” which ended up being terrorizing all those years.

For the past few months, Jeff started paying other people in Spc 64 (primarily Dustin Hoffman, but also others) to using the headset/microphone to harass and torment me as much as possible. What would happen, is that Hoffman decided to put Skittles on top of a small portable speaker/mic combo with the volume turned up as loud as possible. This was so I would hear a constant mumbling/rumbling sound even if no one was actually talking.

If I said something out loud, Hoffman removed the Skittles, repeated what I had said, acted as if he was analyzing what I had said, and then would immediately begin speaking into the headset after removing the Skittles. This ended up being a constant source of psychological torment for me and has been going on at least since the Oscar awards ceremony.

What happens is that even though I am in the house next door (Spc 65), I am able to hear the voice (and the rumbling of the Skittles) constantly in my own mind. This becomes a constant source of annoyance, irritation, frustration, anger, rage and ultimately psychological torment. This has been explained to each person in that house, but it has made very little difference, and it appears that this is exactly what Jeff is trying to accomplish – my own torment and destruction. When Dustin Hoffman stopped taking money, Jeff turned to a few others in the house with him.

2) maintain leverage against the U.S. government so he won’t end up in jail (i.e. blackmailing his pedophile friends to get an eraly release out of jail, swing his trial in his favor, get some of his charges dropped, or attempt to reduce his sentencing.)

He did this with J Biden and apparently had a disgusting, perverted sexual relationship with J Brennan (presumably before he was appointed CIA Director in 2013 which was doubtless no accident). Brennan was also part of their terrorist group.

He is also facing several felony charges related to child porn, pedophilia, explosives (nitro), speed/narcotics charges, child sex abuse, child physical abuse, torture/murder/rape??? For some reason, none of this means anything to him at all. He thinks his charges are of little or no consequence, isn’t concerned about his own family, or anyone else other than himself, and still seems to think he’s playing some sort of game. His own game in which other people are his pawns.

His other strategy has been to run back and forth in Spc 64 from my mom to Aniston, making sure that my mom has been told the appropriate lie and that Aniston has confirmed it, so that my mom will refuse to leave or be confused as to what she’s supposed to be doing and refuse to leave.

The image he has of me in his mind is one of a person who doesn’t exist. He sees me as some sort of evil, prostitute, slut, however even this delusion doesn’t really support his persistent, targeted efforts to harass me and attempt to destroy my life. To me, this is delusion bordering on psychosis and his own malicious, evil nature.

At this point, I don’t know why he’s refusing to leave, or at least the reasons he’s giving. He’s still mumbling, although I haven’t been paying too much attention, so I’m hoping that he’ll change his mind or else get hauled off to jail with the rest.

Everyone Else Did

It seems that after 47 years of life, I discovered that my parents (and two older, male siblings) have a completely distorted perspective of me as a person. Other than my name and physical appearance, I bear little or no resemblance to the person my four immediate family members think I am.

responsibility, taking responsibility, blame, buddhism, happiness, behavior

It appears that my mother always believed me to be involved in some way in prostitution (at least since college), and that part of the reason she never spoke to me about this never ending nightmare was because she was partially responsible. It turns out that she preferred to risk her daughter’s life (at the hands of S McKellar) over her own, when approached that night in 2002 by the Sunnyvale PD, Preston Scott, and Warren Myers.

My mother assumed I became McKellar’s “escort,” and decided at some point that there was no need to ever talk to me because I was “going down” with all the rest. Jeff Myers kept McKellar on my ass for the next 15 years, for quite literally no reason. Jeff Myers also maintains that I am actively engaged in prostitution. Warren Myers and Bert Myers also share the same opinion.

Sunrise with Jim