I was able to focus pretty well this morning while I was chanting. I focused on our health, and our families’ health and happiness. I continue chanting to be able to use my writing to create value, and to eventually publish my memoir. I know I have a long way to go, but I think I have a good start to it. I’m going to keep working on my freelance writing as well, so that I can start earning a stable income. I’m still working on controlling my suspiciousness of other people. I’m doing better, but I can tell that this tendency is still there.
One of my favorite Buddhist quotes is from a letter written by the founder of this Buddhism, Nichiren Daishonin. Nichiren wrote a letter to one of his followers who was experiencing difficulty with her daughter’s health. The title of the letter is “Reply to Kyo’o”. The quote reads: A sword is useless in the hands of a coward. The mighty sword of the Lotus Sutra must be wielded by one courageous in faith. Then one will be as strong as a demon armed with an iron staff. When I feel weak mentally or psychologically, I think of this quote and I am always encouraged. In the past, I have often felt like I was fighting my battle alone, as if it was me against the voices. I felt like I needed help. Even when I would tell John, my parents, my therapist or my psychiatrist what the voices were saying, I still didn’t feel like there was any way they could possibly understand what was going on. How could they? After all, the only thing I was ever fighting against were the voices in my head. As scared as I was, this quote encouraged me to be courageous, not only in faith, but in my entire life.