Last night my Buddhist leader came over to chant and talk. I had talked to Michelle a few months ago, back in April, about the voices I was hearing. I told her a little about what had happened in the past, and about how I thought that people were following me around, making threats and harassing me. She gave me some good advice. She told me not to give up on the Gohonzon. As part of my Buddhist practice, I chant to a paper scroll called a Gohonzon (Gohonzon means object of worship). The Gohonzon reflects our enlightened nature, and as Buddhists, we focus on it when we chant in order to bring out our Buddha nature or enlightenment.
Last night, I told Michelle that I had stopped chanting back in May for about a month. I told her that I had started chanting again, and now I am chanting an hour a day pretty consistently. She said that the voices, threats and harassment I am experiencing are like devilish functions that try to hinder my Buddhist practice, or keep me from accomplishing goals that I have set for myself. Michelle encouraged me to chant about what I want to do with my life, and to look at the big picture. What is my dream? I told her that I don’t really have a dream, except maybe to be a successful writer, and to have a happy marriage. Michelle said that we all have a mission to fulfill in our lives, and that our experiences are there to help us fulfill our mission and encourage other people. She said to tie my goals to my Buddhist practice, and to think about how I can create value with my life, and make a positive contribution to society.
This morning I slept in, but decided to chant for an hour instead of my usual half hour. I briefly heard a voice tell me that I’m not allowed to earn any income from my writing, or publish my book. I didn’t let this affect my mood, and I decided not to listen. Other than that, it was a good hour. I felt better after chanting. I’m going to create value with my writing, and somehow tie my writing to my Buddhist practice. Then I will make a positive contribution to society.