Yesterday I was feeling very angry and negative during the first part of the day. I wasn’t really sure exactly why. Sometimes I let my crazy thoughts get the best of me, and I dwell on things that make me angry – often for long periods of time. I’ve come to realize that there is quite a bit out there to be angry with: politics (even though the election is over), my illness & the voices (they’re so much better than before!), and even my lack of earning ability. All I have to do is think about these things and I’ll be angry and negative. I’ve got to stop focusing on the negative, and start focusing on the positive. I need to constantly remind myself of this, or I slip into angry thinking. John & are very fortunate in so many ways, but I often forget about this and dwell on what we don’t have. I am really learning how to live with a sense of gratitude for everything in my life.
Yesterday morning I chanted to challenge myself to get up earlier in the morning and go chant at our Buddhist center for an hour. Our SGI Buddhist Center offers chanting from 6:30am until 10am Monday through Fridays. We’ve been doing this since April, but I’ve only gone once or twice. I decided that I should get up earlier at least 3 days a week to go chant for an hour at the Buddhist Center. This is a great way to make a fresh determination for my life. I left at 7:30am this morning and chanted for an hour. It really made a difference! I was a little sleepy and tired when I got there, but so was everyone else! Still, I was able to chant and focus pretty well for the hour. I focused my prayers on my dad’s health, my marriage, and my illness. Next step, finish my memoir!