The voices have been less present and less intrusive in my life over the past few days – especially over the weekend. John and I went out for breakfast Saturday morning at the Farmer’s Market in downtown Sunnyvale and had a great time meandering slowly amongst the fruit and vegetable stands. The market has everything from bok choy, beets, radishes and potatoes, to blood oranges, organic Fuji apples, and Oxnard strawberries. We’ve already eaten all 3 pints of our strawberries! We were also very fortunate to be able to upgrade my gym membership with 24 Hour Fitness so that I can exercise at all the gyms, including the new, Super Sport gyms, from which I was previously excluded. John and I went right away to the Sunnyvale Super Sport gym on Friday and we were very impressed!
On Saturday afternoon we bought a few hanging potted plants for our front porch. We bought purple flowers, light blue flowers, and a pink fuschia. Once we hung them from the top of the porch, they looked beautiful! John said we needed to add color to our house and our plants are definitely very colorful! We also bought a pomegranate tree that I planted in a big, round, clay pot that sits in the front corner of our porch. The yard work, the gardening, the house-cleaning, my new gym membership, teaching piano, my writing, Buddhism – all these things are helping me to develop and expand my life in a continued effort to push away the dark ugliness that comes with the voices. I continue to monitor my thoughts, but I’ve decided to allow myself time for “thought venting”. I’ve realized that it’s impossible to be upbeat and happy 100% of the time, and that it’s ok for me to think negatively about other people from time to time. I just can’t let the negative thoughts dominate my life and influence my interactions with others.
I’ve often thought that perhaps my friends and family might also be aware of what I am thinking, but of course this is impossible. Isn’t it? None of us knows what another person is thinking unless that person tells us. The voices used to respond to my thoughts, and sometimes they still do although now I ignore them regardless of what I hear. I continue writing and I am determined to post to my blog 3 times a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Consistency helps me, and for writers especially, it is important to be consistent. I always feel very fortunate in life, and I look forward to much more happiness and joy in the future.