This nightmare still isn’t over yet. I keeping hoping the end will come soon, but I still hear the screaming and yelling around me. I had a nice walk with Savannah this morning, but I was so upset from last night, that I think I exhausted myself. My husband and I are still not able to really talk to each other about this, and some days it bothers me more than others.
Sometimes I think that no one has any idea what I go through on a daily basis. Probably because I’ve never actually spoken to anyone about what it is like – at least not at any length. I get angry because it doesn’t seem like anyone cares enough to talk to me about it. Every day I make an effort and try not to listen or pay attention to the voices of S and the others that I hear (both inside and outside my head). I make a conscious effort to tune them out, but often their constant babbling and screaming is infuriating.
Hearing their voices in my head, combined with the harassment and the fact that they follow me where ever I go (along with large numbers of other people) makes for a bizarre, surreal reality. The fact that no one will talk to me about this situation makes it all that much worse. I constantly wonder how this person is allowed to remain on the streets and continue behaving in this horrific manner. The situation is very disturbing – it is certainly beyond belief.
In a letter written to one of his followers, Nichiren Daishonin writes:
It is rare to be born a human being. The number of those endowed with human life is as small as the amount of earth one can place on a fingernail. Life as a human being is hard to sustain – as hard as it is for the dew to remain on the grass. But it is better to live a single day with honor than to live to 120 and die in disgrace.
“The Three Kinds of Treasure,” WND-1, 851
SGI President Ikeda states: “A long life is not necessarily a good life. What matters is what we leave behind, what kind of value we create and how many people we help become happy.”
Living Buddhism, July 2015 p. 61