It’s Not A Conspiracy

I chanted for an hour this morning. I continue to work on staying focused while I chant. I am also trying to be more specific about what I want and what my goals are. At my therapy appointment last Tuesday, we talked about the suspiciousness I have of other people. I started noticing this especially over Christmas, and also during the past few weeks when we were so frustrated with our realtor. I told John how I was feeling, and how angry I was. Last week I was so angry, I gave myself a headache for two days. I became suspicious of our realtor, her agency, the park we’re moving into, and even the company that owns the park. I didn’t realize how I was thinking until John told me not to get so upset, that “it’s not a conspiracy.” When he said that, I realized that was exactly what I had started thinking. I told my therapist that part of my suspiciousness was a result of the trouble I had with the voices over a year ago. The voices told me that I wasn’t allowed to buy a house, and at that time I believed them. I don’t believe the voices anymore, but I still worry and am often suspicious of other people. I chant for my own mental health, and to be able to trust other people.


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