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Keeping Active & Controlling My Paranoia

I woke up early again this morning when John left for work. Savannah is getting the hang of her housetraining, so I’m glad! I’m feeling better than a few days ago. I think as I keep moving forward in the new year, I will feel even better. I’m still trying to chant 2 hours a day. One hour in the morning, and one hour in the afternoon, although I don’t always get exactly 2 hours in. I’m focusing on my goals that I typed up, and I try not to get distracted by memories of the past. I have a meeting tomorrow with my sister-in-law to discuss some writing work I can help her with. I’m excited to get started!

Yesterday at my therapy appointment, we talked about how I am able to control my paranoia. I have some trouble with paranoia and negative thinking in general, but usually I am able to control it. For example, if I lose or can’t find something, I have a tendency to assume the worst, and think that someone might have stolen whatever it was that I was looking for, or thrown it away. After I search around for awhile looking for what I had misplaced, I’ll find it, and then realize that I had succumbed to my own negative thinking. I’m not sure why I have this tendency. There is no need for me to be so suspicious of other people. I think part of my paranoia and suspiciousness stems from the symptoms of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. When I started believing that the voices were people, I started believing what they said. I finally stopped believing the voices, and started learning how to ignore them. Occasionally, the paranoia stemming my schizophrenia lingers, and I become paranoid of real people, sometimes even my family and friends.

I make a constant effort each day to keep active, chant, work on my writing, help with the housecleaning, get out of the house a little, and spend time with my new puppy, Savannah. This might seem like a lot of work, especially with a new puppy, but I figure anything is better than listening to the voices in my head.

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