I had a very good therapy session on Tuesday. I talked to my therapist about how I sometimes slip back into old habits and try to make sense of what the voices have said to me. I told her that that trying to talk to the voices in my head was like trying to talk to someone that speaks a different language. There is no way to communicate. It’s like talking to a wall, only it’s all in my head. My therapist said that rather than trying to think back and make sense of everything that the voices have said over the years, to instead just let it go. That way even if the wall is still there, I am not constantly trying to hold it back. She is right.
My therapist also asked me if I had heard of new psycho-educational materials that theorize where the voices are coming from, and why they are always demeaning and negative. She said they think it’s because the voices are a reflection of my internal negativity. I think this is true. I keep chanting, and making every possible effort to stay positive. I know no one can be positive 100% of the time, but I can make more of an effort to be positive. I can focus more on people’s positive qualities, rather than their negative traits. I’ve spent quite a bit of time over the past few years remembering only the bad memories that I have. When I stopped working, I had more time to chant, and over the past couple of months, I’ve been able to remember more positive, happy times that I experienced in the past.
Buddhism says that every person has the Buddha nature. We only have to bring this enlightened nature out of our own lives, and also recognize the Buddhahood in other people. Often, this is easier said than done. This is why I chant every day to bring out my Buddha nature and to be happy and positive.