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Managing Anger

I’ve been feeling angry lately. Not furious, just angry at the ‘voices’, at the people following me around, at anyone who doesn’t live up to my expectations, at how I think I’m being treated (unfairly at times) by my fellow Buddhist friends, at whoever I think is broadcasting my thoughts over the internet, and at everyone else for believing whatever contrived or fabricated lies the mafia have said about me. It seems like quite a bit, but this has been occupying my mind for the past few days and it seems like if I write about what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling, then it might not take up so much space in my head anymore. At least I’m hoping that’s what will happen.

I was hoping to be able to support the elementary school Buddhist group that I belong to with the SGI, but it seems that I am being “quarantined,” and should not place myself unnecessarily in the company of children. Perhaps because of the mafia voices? After a few days of being frustrated, upset and angry, I decided that maybe I should focus less on participating with the SGI and more on my marriage and my writing. After all, if I don’t finish my memoir it won’t get written and this is my goal. I want to be a successful writer, so I must write. I also want a happy, fulfilling marriage with my husband, and if I lose focus and don’t make any effort, I won’t have this either.

 

memoir, mental health, women, women's memoir, voices

 

I get easily frustrated because I wish the voices would go away forever and leave me alone. There’s no understanding it, and I’m tired of feeling like everything is all my fault. I know without a doubt that I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, regardless of what other people think. Fortunately, I have my husband John and my pup Savannah. I don’t know what I would do without them. I actually believe that Savannah is smarter than I am although she doesn’t have much to say. John and I are looking forward to my family reunion next week, and I’ve decided to make new “author” business cards to take with me to start my marketing campaign for my memoir.

Jennifer

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