I wrote another page and a half in my book yesterday. It’s coming along, but sometimes I find it difficult to think back and remember what happened. It’s like reliving the experience all over again, and mostly I just want to forget. I think the best thing I did was to start keeping a journal, and start writing a blog. Thanks to my husband’s encouragement, I never would have done either! I chanted for half an hour this morning. John’s parents and his brother went to San Jose for a doctor’s appointment, so the house is quiet now. I’ve been staying busy writing. I even found a woman who wants to start an online critique group. I responded to her post, and told her that I was writing a memoir and would be interested in joining her group.
The more I focus on not paying attention to what the voices say, and not trying to make sense of what they say, the better I do. If I listen to them, and try to understand them, then I usually end up getting worried, depressed, or angry. I thought about this when John and I were in DC last week. I made an effort to not respond when I heard them say something. Often, when I hear a voice say something, I will respond in my head. Kind of like having a conversation, only it’s just in my head. Last week, I really tried not to respond to anything I heard, and I also made an effort not to think about the past. This worked pretty well. If I ignore my voices, and don’t respond, then I can continue with what I am doing, and I am not affected by what they say. My days are much better this way.
I’m going to a Buddhist meeting in Morgan Hill next week, and we’re having a pre-Thanksgiving brunch on Sunday. John and I are bringing the mimosas!