I talked to John last night about some of the things the voices were saying yesterday. I guess they were starting to affect me because I ended up canceling my tutoring session. I didn’t want to go because it felt weird and kind of creepy. When I’ve gone in the past, I’ve felt a little awkward, and out of place. John said that maybe it’s because of anxiety. That could be part of it. The voices were saying they had taken a contract out on John, and that if I moved to Gilroy, they would kill John’s dad. They also told me I had to put a time limit on how much I chant. I’ve been chanting about an hour a day. The past few days, I’ve chanted a little more than that, maybe an hour and a half or so. I think it’s better to chant more, rather than less. I added an entry to my Thought Record, so I can bring that to my next therapy session.
I have an appointment next Wednesday with my psychiatrist. There’s always the question of medication, and whether there needs to be any adjustments made. I’ll probably talk it over with him, but I don’t think we’ll change anything. I’ve thought about trying Clozaril, the antipsychotic used as a last resort when nothing else is effective, but I’m not sure if I want to, or even need to. It’s only when I let the voices affect my mood that I get sad or depressed. The rest of the time, I’m usually fine. I heard from my Buddhist leader Michelle this morning. She said she would connect me with some people in Gilroy that I can chant with while we’re there for the next few months. I told John I would practice speaking Spanish with his parents. That should be fun!