My memoir is coming along, and I continue to make every effort not to think about the voices. I haven’t heard much over the past few weeks, and I’ve discovered as more time passes, the less I think about the voices and the less I listen for them, the more insignificant they become. Last week I was discussing with my therapist how dealing with my illness has motivated me to really work at challenging my weaknesses in a way that I have never done before. My biggest weaknesses are talking to other people, engaging in conversation (with real people, not voices in my head), and getting to know other people. I’ve been very quiet and shy my entire life, and maybe I’ve never had any real reason to be any different. Now, I am constantly chanting and urging myself to show courage, to talk to and meet new people, to make phone calls and connect with friends, to speak up at Buddhist meetings instead of staying silent. All these types of things are what I needed to start working on many years ago, but never did. Until now. In Buddhism, it’s called “breaking out of the shell of our lesser self.” It’s not easy! It takes constant effort, and I really have to stretch out of my comfort zone. But, ultimately, it’s for my own benefit. Plus, it gets me out of my head, and into reality, away from the voices and their craziness.
Last year, my reality was much different. I was focusing on two different worlds – the voice world, and my real people world. Now, it’s much more like just one world. I wrote a brief blog post describing this on CureTalk – it’s called “The Reality of Two Different Worlds,” if you’d like to check it out. Thanks for reading!