The Ability to Control My Own Mind

March 28, 2012 by Tagged with:       
Posted in: Daily Blog

Savannah is almost completely housetrained! She’s doing very well this week. I’m really glad we have her. She requires a lot of attention, but she’s worth it! She’s also great to have around because I can talk to her any time I need to distract myself from the occasional destructive or negative thought running through my head.

I continue to work on my memoir, although not quite as much as I would like. I spend quite a bit of time trying to remember what happened in the past and what I was thinking  about. Mostly I’ve been remembering a lot of psychosis and crazy thoughts. I’ve also found old journal entries that help me remember what was going on in my mind at different times over the past five or ten years. A lot of craziness. I feel like things are finally beginning to settle down for me, both in my mind, and in my life. I’m still chanting daily, and I found a quote to share from my Daily Encouragement dated March 27th.

While controlling your mind, which is at once both extremely subtle and solemnly profound, you should strive to elevate your faith with freshness and vigor. When you do so, both your life and your surroundings will open wide before you and every action you take will become a source of benefit. Understanding the subtle workings of one’s mind is the key to faith and attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime.

I’ve often struggled with controlling my mind and my thoughts. It’s so easy for me to slip into a pattern of complaint and negative thinking. I need to constantly monitor my own thoughts. I know it’s possible to train my mind to think more positively, especially about other people. Spending so much of my time fighting against the negative, insulting, harassing, and destructive voices in my head was not easy. I will never forget what I dealt with, even if it was only in my head, and I am eternally grateful for the support I’ve had (and still have) in managing my illness.

 

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2 Comments on "The Ability to Control My Own Mind"

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Hi Jen, I think you are doing great. Memoir writing is tough; I’ve done some of that, though not lately. Do you know Pamela Spiro Wagner? She and her twin sister wrote a memoir called Divided Minds and she keeps a blog called WAGblog which is on my Blog List. She told me that it took her 10 years to write her part of the memoir. For me, I want so much to go back in time and remember just what happened during my acute psychosis because I think my story might help other people. Truth is it was so… Read more »
Jen
Hi Kate, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write you back! I’ve also re-read old journal entries that I’ve found, and it helps me realize the state of mind I was in. I’ve also experienced pretty heavy psychotic episodes that at the time, I completely believed were really happening. Now, when I read over my journal entries from those times, I have more of an understanding of my psychosis. It’s not easy, but I’m still keeping a journal and I continue to work on my memoir. I believe that I will be able to encourage other people with… Read more »
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