I went to my therapy session last night and talked to my therapist about how I had been feeling earlier in the day. She encouraged me to learn from my experiences in the past, and said that my past experiences did not necessarily make me a bad person. My husband said that I shouldn’t spend so much time thinking about the past, and that everyone makes mistakes. This is true. There is no such thing as a perfect person.
My therapist gave me a new Thought Record to fill out this week. She told me not to focus on the voices, but rather the thoughts I have in response to what I hear, and how I feel afterward. That’s what happened Tuesday night and yesterday morning. I was focusing on the voices, and my memories of the past and somehow came up with the conclusion that I am a terrible person. When I was chanting this morning, I found another quote that I liked. It reads, You can make a defeat the cause for future victory. You can also make victory the cause for future defeat. The Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin is the Buddhism of the true cause, the Buddhism of the present and future. We don’t dwell on the past. We are always challenging ourselves from the present toward the future. “The whole future lies ahead of us! We have only just begun!” – because we advance with this spirit, we will never be deadlocked. I definitely do not want to dwell on the past. I think back, and it seems like a time of darkness. I am writing about it, but that doesn’t change what happened.
This morning I also focused on courage and compassion while I was chanting. These are much more positive qualities to foster in myself, rather than sadness and depression. It takes courage to be happy. I chanted for the courage to write, the courage to chant, and the courage to live! Life is too short.