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The Heart Is The Most Important

I’ve heard voices a little bit every once and awhile over the past week or so. I noticed that while my brother and sister-in-law were here, I didn’t hear them. Mostly what I heard was a woman’s voice mocking and imitating me, kind of like an echo. This wasn’t frightening or scary, mostly just irritating and annoying. I told John about what I heard and then just let it go. Now the voice doesn’t seem like such a big deal. John also forwarded me an article about a new anti-psychotic waiting FDA approval. It’s an injectable form of Abilify that performed very well in clinical trials. I thought I would send my psychiatrist an email and ask him if he has heard of this new type of Abilify.

Here is the link to the article:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/763689

Last night I went to my monthly Buddhist discussion meeting. It was fun! We sang the Beatles song, “With a Little Help From My Friends”, and talked about perseverance and hope. I finally decided to share a little bit of my own experience. It is always very difficult for me to speak in front of a group of people, especially when I am talking about my own life. I’m always trying to think of what to say, and I get nervous and often don’t say anything at all. This is something I really need to work on and that’s why I’m glad I shared at the discussion meeting last night. I mentioned how I have a friend that I’m encouraging to chant, and how I haven’t been working in over a year while I’m living on disability. I still feel like I have a lot to work on!

My Buddhist group was very encouraging. One woman said that what encourages her is another person’s heart, rather than the seemingly more tangible aspects of someone else’s life. I liked that. She’s right. What really matters is what’s in our hearts!

 

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3 Comments on "The Heart Is The Most Important"

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Good for you Jen for speaking up at the meeting! I get nervous in groups too. Actually I have developed some anxiety I think due to taking the highest dose of Abilify and that makes me anxious even with the people I’m closest to. I’ve been trying to make the anxiety I feel (which ironically triggers the more negative voices) into part of my spiritual practice. It’s really challenging, but I’m working on it. And yes, the heart is so important when it comes to people interacting with each other. I wish we could all have open and generous hearts… Read more »
Jen, I am so glad that I found your blog. I actually found you through Wendy’s blog that I found on LinkedIn . It is so nice to know others that deal with disorders like mine. I have been labeled everything from bipolar to PTSD and I try not to focus on the labels, hence why I called my blog without a label. It has given me a great place to pour my heart into to be able to blog about my experiences. I absolutely love what you are doing with your blog and I am now following you. You… Read more »
Jen
Hi Kimmy! Thank you so much! I’m so glad when I hear from other people that find my writing and my experiences encouraging! It actually encourages me too! I don’t like to think of myself as a person with schizoaffective disorder/depression/schizophrenia either, even though I’ve been given this diagnosis. If I think of myself solely in those terms, then it is very limiting. I am definitely more than just a mental illness! So are we all who’ve been given this label. I read that you weren’t able to share parts of my blog because of my share bar. What can… Read more »
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