This afternoon my husband and I went to a NAMI social gathering at their main office in Santa Clara. We weren’t sure what to expect, but we ended up meeting quite a few friendly people. There was a small group of people playing Bingo, a few others in the middle of a card game, and three women working quietly on a puzzle. We grabbed a few snacks and spoke for a few minutes with a man who had driven there all the way from Oakland! I also met the woman who is going to post a link to my blog on the NAMI website, and include a brief note about it in their next newsletter. She told me about a creative writing class taught by a professor at Stanford who wrote a book called Writing Through the Darkness: Easing Your Depression with Paper and Pen. I decided to take the class and I sent her an email to get more information. Fun!
After we came back to our apartment, I was lying down. We had been debating about whether to get a pedicure and workout, or stay home. I heard someone say, You’re not welcome in Gilroy! No one wants you around here anymore either! That’s why we’re trying to get you kicked out of the apartment complex! I thought about the Gilroy comment. It made me sad, even though I try not to let the voices affect me. We usually visit my husband’s parents in Gilroy every few weeks or so. We often spend the night on the weekends, and we’ve gone to stay there in the past when I’ve had trouble with the voices. I’ve heard voices at his parents house in Gilroy too, so sometimes it doesn’t help.
The voice continued, You can go to Gilroy tomorrow, but not tonight, it’s too late. One time the voices told me that I could go to Gilroy if I wanted to, but to just tell them in advance if we were going so they would know about it. I try not to get irritated, but I don’t like my voices telling me what to do. They think they are in charge of my life, but I will never give them that power. Like my husband says, it’s a constant battle.