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Why Are You Doing This To Us?

Several times over the past few months, I have heard this question asked by the voices in my head. “Why are you doing this to us?” It makes me think sometimes that I have actually done something to them, that I shouldn’t have done. In reality, all I have really done is try to ignore what I hear, and not do what they are constantly telling me to do (e.g. stop practicing Buddhism, stop writing, stop working). When I hear this, it almost seems as if there was someone (or some group of people) out there that I am causing harm to. How I am causing the harm, I’ve never figured out. My therapist has told me that listening to the voices, and trying to reason or make sense of them does no good. She said it’s because they are not rational.

Often in the past, they have tried to get me to make an agreement with them. For example, they will say “if you stop chanting, or if you only chant half an hour a day, we won’t threaten your husband anymore.” I tried it one time, but nothing changed. I still heard threats being made against my husband. Making an agreement does not make any sense either. I don’t even know who I would be making an agreement with! So when they say “why are you doing this?”, or “why don’t you make an agreement with us?”, I try to ignore the question, and not think that I’m actually doing something to someone that is causing them harm. Luckily, most of the time I am able to ignore these questions. I don’t think I’m making a mistake by not making an agreement with invisible people that I’ve never met, who are just voices in my head.

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