Working On Myself

Last night my husband said he was disappointed in me. That made me feel sad. I don’t want him to feel disappointed in me. He was referring to the weekend we spent in L.A., and his brother’s cancer walk. We didn’t arrive at his brother’s house until 2:30am Saturday morning, so I didn’t end up taking my medication until around 3am. At home, I usually take my medication around 10pm, not in the middle of the night! When I woke up about 9am, I was feeling dizzy. I fell while I was getting ready in the bathroom and bruised my tailbone a little. I figured my dizziness was due to the medication, and taking it so late at night. When we went to the high school to get set up for the cancer walk, I was still feeling dizzy. John drove me back to his brother’s house, and I ended up spending the rest of the day (and night) in bed sleeping.

John thought that my dizziness and reluctance to participate in the walk was also due to my anxiety, and being around strangers. Last night he asked me what I wanted to work on. I told him I wanted to work on my communication skills, and to also be more motivated. I really need to work on motivating myself. I have to push myself, rather than letting my husband do all the work. I have to admit that sometimes it feels like pulling teeth just to get myself to do 4 exercises in the morning. I made a point of doing my exercises right after chanting this morning, and when I actually laid the blanket down and started exercising, I found that it really wasn’t so hard after all!

This morning I also realized that I had accomplished quite a bit Friday before we left, and last night after we came home. On Friday, I did the laundry, washed the dishes, emptied the trash, and cleaned the apartment so that when we came back last night, everything was put away and organized except for the duffle bag we had brought with us to L.A. Last night, I unpacked and put everything away so I wouldn’t have to unpack this morning.

I still tend to worry quite a bit, and I don’t like disappointing my husband. I will keep working on myself, on motivating myself, on my communication skills, and on my appearance. I know I need to keep working on myself, so that we can have a long, happy marriage.

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