I was waking up from a nap this afternoon. I was thinking about jobs that I’ve had in the past, and about the possibility of applying for a new job in the future. Although I think I would prefer to work on my writing, and try to make money that way, rather than working at a traditional job. I thought about a pet store, and a coffee shop that I had worked at in the past. They were both jobs I had thought at the time would be “fun” jobs, where I could really enjoy what I was doing, and enjoy the people I was working with. Both, however, came with their own type of stress that was unique to that job. The pet store had a manager that nobody could get along with, and the coffee shop had its early morning rush every day.
While I was thinking about my previous jobs, and wondering about the future. I heard a voice blurt out, “You’re not allowed to have a job!” At that moment, my mood changed. I became irritated and angry, that someone (albeit in my head) would have the nerve to say that to me. After all, who are they to determine what I can and can’t do with my life. For some reason, these voices have a tendency to try to tell me what I can and can’t do, or sometimes, what I should or should not be doing with my life. It makes me angry, and is often frustrating.
When I was working last year, occasionally I would hear voices at work, and I thought that they were trying to get me fired from my job. I could hear voices that sounded like they were talking to me from the other side of the wall of the building that I was in, and it would make me nervous because I didn’t want my supervisor to find out. I thought my voices were calling my work, and trying to get me fired because they were mad at me for chanting. Sometime during the spring/summer of last year, I chanted periodically for my voices to go away. I believed that this had made them mad, so in turn, they tried to get me fired from my part-time job. I worked for the same company, but at two different locations. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon. It turned out that I did end up getting fired from the one in the afternoon, although they claimed it was for financial reasons. The location where I worked in the morning, I ended up leaving because they reduced my hours so drastically that it hardly made it worthwhile driving the distance to work.
When I hear voices telling me that I’m not allowed to have a job or earn any income, it does make me angry, but I don’t pay any attention. I ignore what they say, and continue on with my day, and now that I have a blog, I write about it. This is much more productive than sitting around dwelling on what they say, and getting frustrated and annoyed. I hope that in the future I do earn a respectable income from writing, and this is what I am going to continue working at.