I woke up early this morning and took Savannah out to the bay trail in Sunnyvale to watch the space shuttle fly over Moffett Field. We had a great view and were able to see the shuttle (on the top of a 747) fly towards us from San Francisco and then past Moffett Field on its way to Los Angeles. What a crowd of people!
We walked a little longer along the bay, waiting for the crowds to leave and came back home. I gave Savannah a snack and started getting the laptop out to write when I heard a loud male voice shout out, “You’re not writing anymore! You might as well forget about writing.” I was very tempted to respond back, to get caught up in the voice’s anger, but I did everything I could to distract my thoughts from the threat, and keep myself from getting angry. I reminded myself that this is the nature of the voices, to be threatening and angry, regardless of what I do. I didn’t allow myself to be drawn into their negativity, which often mirrors my own self-doubt and lack of confidence. If I can quickly change my thinking, disregard the voices, and be positive, they stop yelling at me. It’s almost as if they give up because they realize that I’m not listening. They have no power over me.
I thought about my blog and the guest blog post I had written for CureTalk. On Wednesday, I submitted a blog post to CureTalk that briefly described what happened the night I first started hearing voices in my head – The Night I Started Hearing Voices. It was almost as if it started gradually during the night, and then continued up until now. I’ll always remember that night as the starting point for hearing voices. It’s very clear, although nothing else about my illness seems to be. I need the courage to keep writing my memoir, regardless of the voices. Fortunately, I know I have the strength and support to continue.